Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
