I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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