If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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