I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
