I'm going to jail i love you
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
