plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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