I smell stomach acid.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
