Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
