Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
