Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
