wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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