So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
