Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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