oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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