The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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