Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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