There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
