he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
