Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
