I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
