there's paper in my vomit.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
