Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can I color on your dick again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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