I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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