Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
