Where did you get a picture of my penis
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
