Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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