U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
