its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
