The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
