you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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