We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
