apparently the secret to your success is patron
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
