Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
