The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
