I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
