Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
