Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
