Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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