OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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