Just cropdusted the office
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
