I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize