you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
