I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
