My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
