I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
