You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
