Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
