And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
