Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
