I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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