WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
