I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize