Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
