i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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