Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
