I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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