Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize