some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
