brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize