Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
