bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
