Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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