We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
