If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize