you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
