I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
