You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
