apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
