it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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