I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
