Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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