Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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