Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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