so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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