I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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