Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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