oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
