Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
