I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
