I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
