My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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