my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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