im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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