So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
