After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
