You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
