Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
