tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
