Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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