this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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