i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
