all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
