I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
