i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
