dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
